Who am I? - Esther Rhatigan

Quote from George Orwell: Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.

Too many people live in quiet corners feeling unseen, unheard and unimportant. They don't recognize they are allowed to take up space. Not only can they take up space, but the world is a better place when they show us who they really are.

As someone with high functioning Complex PTSD, I know the feeling all too well of keeping myself small and people pleasing for survival. I have been using music and art to help me manage it throughout my life. For a long time, people wouldn't have noticed, as I tended to hide my art in school notebook margins and sang backstage while working on stage crews until college, when a friend encouraged me to join a women's chorus with her. I worked in engineering for 20+ years, fitting in music and art wherever I could, but always yearning to do more while taking the "safe" path with an unnatural fear of failure.

I've come a long way and am taking that fear of failure head-on. Whether I succeed or fail doesn't matter in the end, but if I don't try I will be stuck with regret. Complex PTSD will always have a presence in my life, but I don't have to let it define me. Neither does anyone else. We can find tools that help us work through tough days. We can heal enough to live our best lives. I want to be an example to others that we can truly live. We get to write the rest of our story.

Everyone's path is a bit too different to know what will work for anyone else. But, I have my music, images and words. If those can help just one person find their way to a better place, my heart will be happy.

Quote from Langston Hughes: Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die life is a broken-winged bird, that cannot fly.

dreams don't expire

My goal with every song I record is to weave truth, hope and love; to give a voice to others who feel or have felt voiceless or unheard, to offer comfort to those in pain, and to celebrate as much as possible. I create or choose imagery to accompany the songs for an audiovisual hug from me to the world.

I hope to make a few corners of the world a little brighter and see those corners shine their own light.

Quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson: To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - that is to have succeeded.

We all have so much light that deserves to shine. For those feeling darkness, I will share some of mine.